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| I have 3 blogs. Yes, 3. I rarely post on any of them. So, why do I keep them all separate? Well, first of all, this is my generic, diary of sorts blog. I pretty much write whatever I feel like writing or posting here. My second blog is a mostly NSFW erotic story/poetry blog...and if anyone in my family ever got a hold of that website, I'm sure they'd have a pretty huge cow as they are quite conservative & old fashioned. My third blog is dedicated to strictly poetry/short stories of the non-erotic nature. So, am I out of my mind in believing that I can have 3 separate blogs & still be ok? Even though I hardly ever post to any of them? Or should I try to condense down to 2? Or should I quit blogging all-together since I can't seem to do it on a regular basis?
I have no clear answer right now.
Also, being as this is my diary/post whatever blog...I hate having health issues. I was in hospital yet again for diverticulitis...now I get to struggle with State Assistance to try to get help for my medical treatments. Also, having diabetes sucks...as does having tendonitis, stomach issues, and asthma and sleep apnea...ok...ranting of the poor me nature done and over. Everyone has health issues that they face on a daily basis. They suck. Medical insurance sucks...there is no easy answer for health care. Anyway. I'm pretty much all better from the diverticulitis now except for having a colonoscopy done in about 2 months and check up at the Dr office in a week.
It really is true that when you are physically down, you seem to be attacked from all angles...especially emotionally. I'm letting things get to me that I know I shouldn't. I'm crying over things best forgotten. I'm missing people who probably never think about me anymore. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself from wishing for what might have been...wishing for a word, a touch, a gesture of feeling from them. But, like the wise man named Jagger once said, You can't always get what you want.
Until next time, my friends...stay sane...and sending you much love! | | |
| Ok, so this song's been stuck in my head for several weeks, so I figured I'd share...
Out of Reach
Verse 1
Knew the signs wasn't right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool
Chorus
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be
Verse 2
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok
Chorus
But I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be
Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you
Chorus
And know I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me | | |
| Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I have so many fond memories of Thanksgiving from when I was younger. Going to one gramma's house for lunch, then the other gramma's house for dinner. All the yummy food! :) But, now, even as an adult, Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday. This year is different from every other year. See, this year is the first year I've not gone to either gramma's house for Thanksgiving. See, my one Gramma passed away earlier this year. And my other Gramma moved out of state because my Grampa died last year. So, this year, my Mom cooked Thanksgiving dinner at her house. It was her first time cooking Thanksgiving dinner. It was amazing! :)
Though, now that I am at home, I can let my emotions run free. While I had an amazing time at my Mom's house, I am saddened for the era that is now past. I find myself missing my Dad, both Grampas, and my Grammas. I miss all my aunts,uncles, and cousins being together...being rowdy and laughing. Not that there wasn't laughing and rowdiness at Mom's with my nieces & small cousins from my step-dad's family, but it's just not the same.
I shed tears of sorrow for times past...in thankfulness that I had so many wonderful years of happiness and joy...but sorrow that I will not see so many loved ones this side of Heaven again. Sorry that my Dad will never know the joy of his 3 granddaughters...how precious and beautiful they are. He would have loved them so much!
But I can still say Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Because, even though I still mourn, the mourning makes me so much more thankful for the joy this day brings...for getting to be with my brother and sister-in-law and my 3 beautiful nieces. For still having my mom with me. For being a part of an amazing family. I am blessed beyond measure...and I am so very thankful. :) | | |
| There's a void. A deep, dark crevasse in my soul. Once it was filled with something so glorious, so amazing that mere words couldn't even begin to describe it. But that is now gone. YOU are now gone. You filled the gaping wound now left inside my heart. I let you inside...to the very innermost parts of my soul...I breathed you...lived for you...and now, you've taken that all away from me. Your love was the light of my world...the sun in my sky...the brilliant moon as I walked through the night. Now, all is darkness...the light has gone out of my life. I feel as though I am blind...walking recklessly through the gutters...with no purpose, no joy, no ties to this plane of existence. At times, I've thought about leaving this plane...yes, many times these thoughts have traveled across my wearied mind...do I even deserve to be here...what is it like THERE? Would anyone miss me? Would anyone care? What's stopping me from taking my path to the new existence in my own hands? I don't know. Once, you were my only reason for wanting to be alive. Once, I was so in love with you that I could scarcely breath when you were near me. Now...well, now I have to find a different reason to want to live. The love I had is shattered...mixed with the blood of my heart and the tears of my eyes. Now, I must find a reason to carry on. | | |
| Fly me to where the moon cannot see me...where the sun cannot touch me...you're the only one who can reach me...and when I need you most, you're gone... Will you catch the broken pieces as my life falls apart...or will you be just another reason that I have a broken heart? Will you dance with me as the rain softly falls...or will you forget who I am and ignore all my calls? Will you lend me your shoulder when the tears overflow...or will you walk out on me when I've nowhere else to go? Will you kiss me and love me and make me feel whole...or will you be the reason that there's a hole in my soul? Will you be by my side when the world tumbles down...or will you run and hide like the others that I've known? Will you fly with me? Fly away from the pain...from the hurt and the sorrow...to go dance in the rain? Will you soar to new heights? Far away from the tears...no more lonesome or sad...to forge happy years?\ Or do my hopes and my dreams have no chance at all? No happy ending...none to catch as I fall... As I drown in the rain, staring out at the sun...the moon starts to laugh...and the stars to make fun... All that's left of my hope is a sad, empty space...what once was is removed...gone without a trace... | | |
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